This...

... This is when the only food is the juice in my vodka and cranberry. This is when it takes me two solid hours to get out of bed and put on a pair of shoes. This is when there is no next drink, there is just this one long drink that goes on forever. This is where there is no up or down and I can only move sideways.

This is where waking up is like falling through a stage prop wall. This is where I carry my addictions in a cardboard box as if I were moving to another location. This is finding no location and the box is empty. This is standing and not being able to move. This is drunk and crashing, falling, falling through a bottom, tumbling.

This is where a hospital wakes you up and you do not know you or where you are.

(Sotto): This is where Jim gets lost in his past and I get lost with him. This is where I ask you to help me, Vatchi. This is where he traps me in his past, Vatchi.

from "All Drinking Aside: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of An Alcoholic Animal," Chapter 78, (rough draft)

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